


Even if I'm the Last Standing

by mads_ghost



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mads_ghost/pseuds/mads_ghost
Summary: After the deaths of his friends, Bobby Wilson attends all three of their funerals. There, he reminisces about what their lives were like, and works through the guilt he feels about their deaths.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	1. Luke's Funeral

The first funeral Bobby had ever attended in his life was for his best friend Luke Patterson. It felt wrong, weird. Everyone stood around, dressed in fancy all black clothing, crying and expressing their sympathy to Luke’s parents. Bobby felt bad for Luke’s parents, sure, but they didn’t know Luke like Bobby did. They didn’t know about the way Luke would play with his hair when he was struggling to come up with the next line of a song. They didn’t know how he would comfort Reggie after yet another one of his parents' fights. They didn’t know about Luke’s first date with Alex. And they definitely didn’t know how much Luke cared for his band and his friends. 

When Bobby first walked up to the casket, he broke down. He tried to hide it, but it was nearly impossible. Laying in the coffin was his best friend, his brother. He expected Luke to wake up at any moment. He kept thinking that he was just sleeping, but then he saw that Luke wasn’t breathing, and he was reminded that Luke was dead, and would not be coming back. 

The body in the casket looked so different from the Luke Bobby remembered. For one, Luke was dressed in a suit, something that Luke would rarely wear. The only thing that made it remotely look like something Luke would wear was that it was blue. It had sleeves, which was something Luke barely wore. Sure, it was Luke, but it wasn’t Luke. 

“Hello,” Bobby heard a familiar voice say. He turned around and was face to face with Mr. Patterson.

“Hello, sir,” Bobby said, his voice shaky and cracking as he spoke through tears. 

“Bobby?” Bobby heard another voice say. This time, the voice was female. 

“Mrs, Patterson,” Bobby said, turning towards the sound of her voice. “I am so sorry.” 

Mrs. Patterson smiled through tears, and hugged him. She cried into his shoulder, but Bobby didn’t mind. 

“I should’ve been there,” Mrs. Patterson told Bobby. “Then he never would have eaten those street dogs.”

“No,” Bobby said. “I should’ve stopped them. Instead I stayed behind to talk to some girl. I should’ve been with him.”

Mrs. Patterson released Bobby from the hug, then looked him in the eyes. “There’s nothing you could’ve done,” she said. “I’m just happy you’re alive.”

Bobby nodded. “I know.” 

Mrs. Patterson nodded, turned to her husband, and then walked away to go greet everyone else who showed up. This left Bobby alone to stare at Luke’s casket once again. He noticed now that he was wearing the same necklace he wore all the time. It was the same one he had worn since him and Bobby had met. 

“Where’d you get it?” Bobby had asked. 

“My mom got it for me,” Luke had said. “Isn’t it cool?”

Bobby smiled sadly at the memory. He realized that, even after the fight with his mom, he still wore the necklace she had given him. It was one of his most prized possessions similar to Bobby’s own necklace, the one Luke had given him for his twelfth birthday. 

“A lion?” Bobby had asked when he opened his present from Luke.

Luke had nodded. “Do you like it?”

Bobby nodded. “I love it!” He said, and scrambled to put it on. 

Luke laughed. “Good because I can’t return it.”

Bobby laughed.

“We all have necklaces now,” Reggie had said. 

Bobby nodded, then turned to Luke. “Thanks, Luke.”

Luke simply nodded and smiled. Bobby knew it was his way of replying to something without actually saying words. 

Bobby was brought back to the present. He began to look at the pictures surrounding Luke’s casket. The first pictures were from when Luke was a baby and a toddler. Bobby spotted Alex in most of the pictures as Luke got older. Later, they were accompanied by Reggie, and, even later, Bobby. There weren’t many pictures. Luke was only seventeen, after all, but there were enough. The pictures brought back a lot of memories for Bobby. There was even one of when the boys had first started their band Sunset Curve. 

“I got a guitar!” Luke had exclaimed when Bobby, Reggie, and Alex had arrived at his house the day of his thirteenth birthday.

“That’s sick, man,” Bobby had said. 

“Can we see it?” Reggie had asked.

Luke nodded, and led the three of them to his room. He showed them an acoustic guitar that his parents had gotten him for his birthday. 

“Cool, huh?” Luke had asked.

“It’s rad,” Bobby said. “And I can teach you how to play.”

“Yeah, I can too,” Reggie said.

“I can’t,” Alex had responded. They all laughed about that.

Two days later and they were rehearing in Bobby's garage. Not that they were any good. Luke barely knew two chords, Bobby hadn’t played guitar in months, and Reggie wasn’t used to playing bass. The only one that even sounded halfway decent was Alex, and that was only because he had been playing the drums since he was six. Despite that, they had put on a show for their parents. The boys had always cringed at that memory years later, but, now, Bobby was grateful that it had happened. 

The most recent picture taken of Luke and the band was months prior, back in early December. It was of the band on stage playing a local club. It was the last gig that Luke’s parents had come to. Bobby remembered that night. They had a lot of fun. It wasn’t like it was their first time playing at a club, but it was one of the first times Luke’s parents had agreed to go to one of their gigs in years. They stayed through the whole thing, and even took the guys out to dinner beforehand. Luke had left early that night with his parents. Bobby, Reggie, and Alex had stayed back, but that was a story for another time. 

“Bobby?” A familiar voice asked. Bobby turned around, and was met face to face with Reggie’s brother.

“Adrian?” Bobby asked, turning to face Reggie’s brother.

“I’m so sorry,” Adrian told Bobby.

“I’m sorry too,” Bobby told him. 

“Thanks,” Adrian said. “I- I can’t believe they’re dead.” 

“Me neither,” Bobby responded. “I should’ve been there.”

Adrian shook his head. “I should’ve gone to the Orpheum that night like I was planning to. Maybe then they wouldn’t have eaten those street dogs. They would’ve been able to afford something else.”

“It’s my fault,” Bobby said. “I stayed behind to flirt with some girl.”

“Did you get her number?” Adrian joked. Him and Reggie had the same tendency to use humor as a coping mechanism. 

“Yeah,” Bobby replied. “She called me a few times after- everything.”

Adrian smiled. “Well that’s something.”

Bobby nodded. “Yeah I guess so, but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have let them go.

should’ve given them more money, or told them maybe they shouldn't eat before the show. Maybe I should’ve made them flirt with Rose.”

“Rose?” Adrian asked. “Oh, right, the girl.”

“Yeah,” Bobby said.

Adrian looked around then whispered so that only Bobby could hear. “Alex never would’ve gone for that, unless she had a twin brother or something, and didn’t Luke and Alex just break up? I doubt Luke really would’ve gone for it either.”

“Wow, Reggie really told you everything, huh?” Bobby asked, somewhat surprised.

Adrian nodded. “Pretty much.”

“Yeah, but if I just got Reggie to stay, Luke and Alex would’ve probably stayed too,” Bobby said. “I just wish I had done something.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done,” Adrian said. “Clearly they wanted to give you a shot with this girl. Maybe they weren’t interested.” 

Bobby shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Will everyone staying for the service please take your seats?” The funeral director asked everyone.

“I should probably go sit,” Adrian said.

“Yeah,” Bobby agreed. “Me too.”

Bobby and Adrian both sat in the second row, right behind Luke’s family. Bobby listened to some of the prayers said by the pastor, but he wasn’t paying attention. He kept staring at Luke’s body and thinking please wake up. Please wake up. Luke. 

“Robert Wilson,” Bobby heard his name called out. “You said you wanted to speak?”

Bobby nodded. He had arranged with Luke’s parents to give a eulogy. Somehow, he was the only person who had asked. Not that Luke had many friends, he really only hung around with Reggie, Alex, and Bobby.

“Hello, everyone,” Bobby said when he got up and stood at the podium-like thing the pastor had stood at before. His voice cracked as he said it, and his eyes were already filling with tears again. 

“My name is Bobby Wilson,” he continued. “Luke was-” shit. He couldn’t do this. It’s for Luke, Bobby reminded himself. He deserves to be remembered. 

“Luke was one of my best friends, “ Bobby said after taking some deep breaths, and slightly composing himself. “He was like my brother. We were never not around one another. We, um, we started a band together along with our other friends, Reggie and Alex when we were thirteen. It slowly became our whole lives. We became a family.”

Bobby took another deep breath and kept going. “I remember the first real gig we ever played. It was at a local club in town. We were only fourteen, but we had been practicing for this everyday since we formed the band. Luke, um-” Bobby’s voice cracked. “Luke was the most excited to play that night. He took soundcheck way too seriously. Made us play through almost the whole set. The owners of the club weren’t too happy about that.”

Bobby laughed sadly at the memory then got serious. “Luke was one of the best people I’ve ever met. He was passionate about his music, and he couldn’t wait to turn eighteen and pursue a career.” Bobby was crying once again. “He, um, oh god, he was the reason our band was playing the Orpheum that night. He had called in every favor he had, and worked so hard. He was going to be a legend. We all were. I just- I just wish I had been there for him.”

Bobby walked back to his seat, and everyone applauded him. He sat in his seat with his head in his hands, tears rolling down his face.

“You did good, man,” Adrian told him.

“Thanks,” Bobby said, his voice small and cracking despite the word only being one syllable. 

The rest of the funeral happened just like one would expect. At the end, Bobby lined up at the door along with five of Luke’s cousins. They had all been chosen to be pallbearers. Bobby was honored to have been chosen. However, he found it odd standing with Luke’s cousins. He knew none of them, and wasn’t even sure if Luke was close to any of them. 

Carrying the casket was harder than Bobby thought it would be. He assumed with six people carrying it that it wouldn’t be that heavy. He was wrong. As soon as he got a hold of the casket, he almost dropped it.

“Damn, Luke, what’d you eat?” One of Luke’s cousins joked, then realized. “Um, I mean-”

“Shut up, Connor,” Another one of Luke’s cousins said.

“Right,” Connor said. “Sorry.”

They all then carried the casket into the hearse, and walked to their respective cars. Bobby got into his and turned on the radio. The station was playing “Basket Case” by Green Day. Bobby almost started crying again, and, for the millionth time, was transported back to that night. 

“We’re gonna be legends!” Luke said. It was about the hundredth time he had said it that day, but no one cared. They were all excited and hopped up on adrenaline. 

“You think we’ll get a record deal?” Reggie asked.

“If not tonight then soon,” Luke had responded. 

“If we don’t mess up,” Alex had added.

“We won’t,” Luke said. 

“Yeah.” Bobby had responded. “Loosen up a bit.”

Alex smiled. “Okay, but turn the radio up, Green Day’s playing.”

Bobby was brought back to the present when the cars started moving. He followed them to the cemetery. There, he, once again, carried the casket. However, this time he carried it to Luke’s grave. 

Once the casket was secured on top of the grave, everyone began to gather around. The funeral direction began to pass out the white roses that were on top of Luke’s casket. Bobby knew white roses were Luke’s favorite. It was what Luke had always given to Alex when they were dating. 

The pastor began the final ceremony, but Bobby didn’t listen. He was sweating in his suit, and kept fidgeting with the rose in his hand. He almost forgot he was there until people began to lay their roses on top of the casket. Bobby waited for everyone to leave until it was just him and Luke’s parents.

“Did he suffer?” Mrs. Patterson asked Bobby.

Bobby shook his head. “No. I found them right before they died. They were- they were gone before the ambulance even came.”

Luke's parents nodded.  
“Thank you for coming,” Mrs. Patterson said. “You really were like his brother.”

Bobby nodded, tears forming in his eyes once again. “Of course.”

Luke’s parents walked away from the casket, and left Bobby alone. Bobby placed the rose he still had in his hand on the casket.

“Keep the band going in heaven for me, will ya?” Bobby asked. “Tell Alex and Reggie I love ‘em, and stay out of trouble you dumbass.” Bobby smiled, and brushed his fingers along the casket.

“I love you, man,” Bobby said, then walked back to his car. He didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day. Instead, he listened to the Sunset Curve demo on repeat, and wished that Luke, Reggie, and Alex were listening with him.


	2. Alex's Funeral

The second funeral Bobby had to attend was for another one of his best friends, Alex Mercer. Bobby thought that it would be easy, or at least easier than Luke’s had been since he knew what to expect. He could not have been more wrong. 

The first thing Bobby noticed was that Alex’s casket was gray. That wasn’t what bothered Bobby. What bothered him was the body inside the casket. Sure, it looked like Alex, but it wasn’t Alex. For one thing, Alex was wearing a light gray suit. Sure, he was wearing a pink tie, but it was mostly hidden as it was tucked into his jacket. Another thing Bobby noticed was that Alex was wearing a different necklace than the one he normally did. Sure, it looked almost the same, but Bobby knew it wasn’t. For one, it had a cross on it, a symbol Alex had stopped wearing on his necklace about a year prior. Bobby figured it might’ve been the same chain, but he wasn’t sure. On top of that, Alex held a rosary in his hand, which struck Bobby as not very Alex-like.

“Hello, young man,” Bobby heard a voice say. 

“Hello, Mr. Mercer,” Bobby said, clenching his teeth, and putting both of his hands in his pockets so that Mr. Mercer wouldn’t see that his hands balled into fists.

“You’re one of Alex’s friends, aren’t you? Bobby, isn’t it?” He asked. 

Bobby nodded. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Did you find them?” He asked.

Bobby shook his head. “No. I mean I found them before they died, but the ambulance had already been called. They were gone almost as soon as I got there.”

Mr. Mercer nodded. “Well, thanks for coming.” 

Bobby nodded, and Mr. Mercer walked away. This allowed Bobby more time to be alone. This led him to looking at the photos surrounding Alex’s casket. Bad idea. 

The first picture Bobby laid his eyes on was one of Alex and Luke surrounding a cake with a seven at the top. Bobby realized that that picture was taken over ten years ago. Bobby smiled at the innocent boy in that picture who had no idea what would happen just ten years later.

The next picture he saw was one from when Alex’s little sister, Holly, was born. Alex was eleven years old in the photo, and was holding his baby sister in his arms. Bobby smiled at the photo. He remembered how happy Alex had been that he was going to be a big brother. He had been beaming the whole day. Finally, at lunch, Luke had asked what he was so happy about.

“I’m gonna be a brother!” Alex had said. 

“What, seriously?” Reggie had asked.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I’m a little nervous, but I can’t wait.”

Bobby smiled. “Don’t be nervous, you’ll be a great big brother,” he said

“Yeah,” Luke said. “And if you ever need a babysitter call me. Well, actually don’t because I’ll probably be with you anyway…” 

“Yeah,” Alex said. “Might not be a good idea.” 

Luke nodded. “Yeah.”

Bobby was brought back to the present when his eyes fell on another picture. It was of Sunset Curve on their last Halloween together. It was a picture that had been taken by Mrs. Mercer. Bobby had never seen the photo before that moment, and almost broke down. He looked at the photo from left to right. On the left stood Reggie. He was dressed like a pirate complete with a parrot and even an eyepatch. Next, stood Alex. He was dressed like a vampire including fangs and fake blood. Beside Alex stood Holly. She had dressed up like Cinderella. Then, beside Holly, stood Luke. He was dressed as the grim reaper which Bobby now felt was pretty ironic. Of course, he was only wearing a black cloak and the rest of his outfit was the exact same as always. Aside from the scythe he was holding, of course. Then, finally, stood Bobby. He had dressed like a zombie which was also ironic considering Bobby was the only one not to die. 

Halloween that night had been awesome. Maybe they were a bit too old to be trick-or-treating, but none of them cared. They had trick-or-treated for hours and each of their pillow cases had been filled to the top. They had gone to Bobby’s house and watched horror movies, but, eventually, Alex had left with Holly, and the next day Bobby had found him in the studio Sunset Curve used to practice. 

“What happened?” Bobby had asked. 

“I came out to my parents last night,” Alex answered. 

“Shit,” Bobby said. “What happened?”

“They said some things,” Alex replied. “I ran out.”

“What about Holly?” Bobby asked.

Alex shrugged. “My parents sent her to her room. I doubt she understands.”

Bobby sat with Alex, and put an arm around his shoulder. “I’m here for you. Luke and Reggie are too.”

“Thanks,” Alex said.

Bobby nodded. “We’ll beat any homophobe’s ass for you. Just call us.”

Alex smiled. “Thanks,” he said once again.

Bobby nodded. “Why don’t we just skip school today?” He asked.

“But my parents-” Alex said, then realized. “Yeah, yeah, let’s skip school.”

Bobby smiled. “Alright. What do you wanna do?”

Bobby was snapped back to reality when he heard a familiar voice.

“Bobby?” The voice asked.

Bobby turned around, and looked down to find the source of the voice. “Holly?”

Holly nodded. “Alex is in heaven.”

Bobby was taken aback by that statement. He didn’t expect Holly to be so direct. Of course, he figured she probably had no idea what that statement truly meant. 

“Oh,” Bobby said.

Holly nodded. “That’s where all good people go when they die, and my brother was good.”

Bobby smiled. “Yeah, he was.”

“Holly?” Bobby heard another voice call. He looked in the direction of the voice and was staring into the eyes of Mrs. Mercer. “Bobby?”

“Hello, Mrs. Mercer,” Bobby replied. “I, uh, I’m sorry for your loss.”

Mrs. Mercer smiled a sad, thim smile. It seemed a bit forced and a little cold, but Bobby could’ve just been overanalyzing things. 

“Thank you, Bobby,” she said. 

Bobby nodded.

“You still want to read a eulogy, correct?” She asked Bobby.

Bobby nodded once again. “Yeah. If you’re still okay with it.”

Mrs. Mercer nodded. “Of course. The service is starting in a few minutes if you’d like to grab a seat.”

“Thank you, I will,” Bobby responded.

Mrs. Mercer nodded, then turned to Holly. “Come on, Holls, let’s go sit down.”

“Okay,” Holly said, and reached up to grab her mother’s hand. 

Bobby followed their lead and took a seat in the row behind them. He sat at the end of the row so he wouldn’t have to bother anyone when he got up to speak. He also did it so he could hide his face when he cried. 

The funeral service started a few minutes later. Bobby tried to listen, but it was hard. He couldn’t stop crying, and kept thinking about memories that him and Alex had shared. He thought about the first time they had met, and the last time he had seen Alex alive. He kept dwelling on these memories until he heard “Robert Wilson, you wished to give a eulogy?”

Bobby nodded, and stood up. He took the eulogy he had written out of his pocket, and unfolded it. 

“I never thought I’d be here,” Bobby began. “Not now,” Bobby took a deep breath. “Alex Mercer was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. We were always together, usually accompanied by two of our other friends, Luke Patterson and Reggie Peters.”

Bobby wiped at the tears forming in his eyes. “I remember the first time we met. Reggie and I had been paired up for some class project in middle school. He invited me to sit with him, Luke, and Alex at lunch. We had been friends ever since.” Bobby took a deep breath. His hands were shaking, and he was sure his voice was too. 

“I, uh, I, I remember the last day Alex was alive. We were going to play the Orpheum,” Bobby smiled. “We would’ve been legends. We had arrived hours before we were actually supposed to play. We were so pumped up. I remember halfway through soundcheck, Alex was getting really anxious about performing. Me, Luke, and Reggie all calmed him down. The soundcheck we did right after was the best we had ever played. We were so hyped. Then, just like that, they were gone.” 

Great, now Bobby was crying. He turned away and walked back to his seat. 

“Thank you, Robert,” The pastor told Bobby. 

The service continued. Some other people gave eulogies, but Bobby tuned them out. He kept thinking about Alex. 

I should’ve been there, Bobby kept repeating in his head. I shouldn’t have let them eat those hot dogs.

Bobby thought about all this throughout the funeral service, and all the way to the 

cemetery. The guilt was eating him alive. It felt like he had a boulder on top of his shoulders and it was slowly weighing him down. He hated the feeling, and just wished it would go away. He knew that wasn’t possible though, and the guilt would probably weigh on him for the rest of his life.

Bobby thought he’d be the last one to leave the cemetery. He was wrong. Long after everyone, including Alex’s parents had left or at least gotten into their cars, he stood there holding a pink rose standing next to Holly.

“I miss you already,” Holly spoke to the closed casket. “Why did you leave me?”

Bobby’s heart broke as she said the words. Holly was only six, she shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of trauma.

“He didn’t leave you,” Bobby said. “He’s still watching you in heaven. Didn’t you learn about that in church?”

Holly shook her head. “I don’t like church. Alex was always nervous, I could tell, and him and Mommy and Daddy would get into fights after church a lot.”

Bobby knelled down to Holly’s height. “Okay so maybe he’s not in heaven, maybe you don’t believe in that stuff, but he’s still here,” he told her. “He’d never leave you.”

“Promise?” Holly asked, her big eyes filled with tears.

“I promise,” Bobby said.

Holly then collapsed into Bobby, giving him a huge hug. She sobbed into his shoulder, but he didn’t care.

“Holly!” Mrs. Mercer called out. “Let’s go!”

Holly stopped hugging Bobby, and turned towards her parents’ car. “Bye, Bobby,” she said.

“Bye, Holls,” Bobby said.

As Alex’s family pulled away, Bobby placed the rose he was holding on the casket.

“I love you, man,” Bobby said, repeating the same phrase he had said at the end of Luke’s funeral.


End file.
